Travis Gertz, Double Threat
We’re here with Travis James Gertz. I’m going to sit down for a few minutes and pick his brain. I’m his wife, so I do know everything there is to know about him, and if there are any secrets, I’ll probably have to arrange a falling piano—err, take them up with him after the interview.
However, let’s start by introducing him.
Rachel: How long have you been working at nGen Works, Travis?
Travis: Two years now.
Rachel: They call you the Double Threat on the team page. Can you explain a little bit about what that means?
Travis: Well, that came about because I was hired for my two skills (aside from my dashing good looks). One of them being front-end and ExpressionEngine development, and the other being design.
Rachel: And how do you feel about that title?
Travis: I’d say it’s fairly descriptive, but I have so many more talents …
Rachel: This interview is based on honesty. I just want to reiterate that. I’ve known you almost half my life, but there are many people who don’t know you. So, how would you describe yourself?
Travis: Umm, medium height, medium build, a slight beer gut, slightly awkward, but good-hearted all around and hard working—Honest.
My biggest weakness is that I work too hard.
Rachel: Wow. Really? [dripping with sarcasm]
Travis: Yes. Yes, it’s very tough and it must put a lot of stress on you being my wife.
Rachel: Ha. Ha. Is there anything funny about your childhood that you’d like to splatter all over the internet?
Travis: Way too much! I have a younger brother. He’s two years younger than me. On a regular basis I would try to do whatever I could to embarrass him. Because he’d do anything people told him. He might still do that. Maybe not. Sorry, Steve. Anyway, I would tell him to run around the block naked and he would do it. People get paranoid about that; there’s pedophiles.
Rachel: What is one thing that we wouldn’t know about you?
Travis: When I was a dashing young high school delinquent, I used to—
Rachel: —You were in jail?
Travis: No, I’ve never been in jail. If I ever am, it’ll probably be because of you. I competed in a sport called wakeboarding. I competed nationally for a few years. Being in competition in Canada is not saying much. We don’t have a lot of great wakeboarders here. I really hate the wakeboard lifestyle and the attitudes around it, but it’s actually kind of fun to do. It’s a little embarrassing.
Rachel: What was your best trick?
Travis: This is another reason I hate wakeboarding: my best trick was a crow-mobe which is a flip with a 360 in it and it has the cheesiest name.
Rachel: Tell me about a guilty pleasure of yours.
Travis: Umm, that’s personal. No, I would say terrible movies. Like bad action films from the ’80s and ’90s. I’m not even guilty about it. It’s just all pleasure all the time.
Rachel: Any particular favourites? [laughing]
Travis: I’m still a big fan of Under Siege and Under Siege 2. Steven Seagal at his, well, best. Good stuff.
Rachel: What is your favourite room in your domicile?
Travis: That would be the bathroom. It’s my fortress of solitude. To whomever I play Words with Friends with: you should know that’s probably where I am. So you could probably graph how many BMs a week I have. It’s peaceful.
Rachel: Seriously? That’s really disturbing.
Travis: Hey, I stay very sanitary. I wash my hands, I don’t touch my phone after I’ve wiped.
Rachel: I think there are a few people who might judge you for that.
Travis: Well, let them judge. You all do it.
Rachel: I’d like you to share with me a big dream that you have.
Travis: I want to one day go to outer space. Even if it’s just for a few minutes to experience weightlessness. Ultimately I’d love to go to Alpha Centauri or some crazy place.
Rachel: Where the hell is that?
Travis: I don’t even know if that’s a star or a planet.
Rachel: Did you just make that up?
Travis: Yes. I’ve heard it before. It’s from science fiction.
Rachel: So you realize a flight to space is going to cost like $300,000. That’s the cost of a house. You’re not going to space. Seriously, we have to talk about this.
Travis: Just have to start saving.
Rachel: Okay, if you weren’t doing what you’re doing for a living right this very year, what else would you do with your life?
Travis: If I was a lot smarter, I’d wanna be an astrophysicist.
Rachel: You have a thing with space.
Travis: I do. I love space.
Rachel: Would you volunteer to go to Mars?
Travis: I would absolutely volunteer to go to Mars — if you’d come with me.
Rachel: I’d have to think about it. Describe how you’d make your favourite recipe.
Travis: Spamaroni. It consists of Kraft Dinner — or macaroni and cheese for you lovely Americans — mixed up with a can of Spam and chopped up onions. It’s culinary art at its finest.
Rachel: So people actually eat this?
Travis: I made it for you and I didn’t hear any complaints.
What is the last book you read? And what was the verdict?
Travis: I read The Story of Stuff by Annie Leonard. It is an incredible book. It’s about the circle of how goods are made and consumed and abused around the world. It’s a little depressing, it offers some solutions about what to do and by the end it’s so enlightening. I think everyone should read this.
Rachel: If I picked up the paper, which I don’t think anyone does anymore, and looked at a headline about you, what would it say?
Travis: Funny enough, I’ve been in the paper a few times, and the headlines have always been terribly misleading and wrong. So my guess if it were to say something about me, it would also be wrong. So the natural thing I can come up with is, “Travis is a Terrible Human Being with No Remorse and He Cares About Nothing” — because it would be wrong.
Rachel: If you’ve been in the paper and always misrepresented, do you think there might be some truth to those headlines?
Rachel: God, that’s such a relief.
What’s one thing you wanna do before you die?
Travis: I’d like to bungee jump. Yep. That’s it.
Rachel: Don’t you have a great aspiration? You just want to jump off an inanimate structure with a rope connected to your ankles?
Rachel: Tell me about the last time you remember getting in trouble.
Travis: It was most definitely getting in trouble with you. Probably for something completely unreasonable.
Rachel: I’ll let that slide if you can name just one time.
Travis: I forgot our anniversary.
Rachel: When did you forget our anniversary? So that night when you took me out for dinner, that wasn’t for our anniversary?
You son of a bi—
Rachel: Thanks very much, Travis. I appreciate you taking a little time out of your Friday to speak with me outside the normal parameters of our relationship. I tried to keep it professional. I hope you noticed.
If you want to find out more about Travis, you can check out his latest work or see what other ridiculous drivel he’s spouting off in Question Everything [complete disclosure: that’s a blog we both write together].
Travis: Can I get back to work now?